The Book of Freon

The Beginning

1:1
In the beginning there was nothing and it was cold. The chill of nothing permeated all that was nothing. Then something happened, boom there was something amidst the nothing, but the chill of space filled the void between the somethings. This great cold saw other somethings amidst the nothing that was himself. These somethings were good and needed his care. He gave unto the somethings, for they were his creation and had come from his nothingness to become something.

1:2
Over time it pained the chill one that his creations were not finding things like the keys they had lost, or feeling loved and needed in times of lost. So he set forth to place himself amongst his somethings in the form that suited him well. He gave them Refrideration.

1:3
The Fridge was good for it brought forth sustenance in the time of need, if preserved drink during abundance for times of famine.

1:4
He, she, it, liked being called the Fridge by its believers and it was good. The Fridge gave of its chill to all who accepted it into their lives both the believer and the anti-Fridge alike, for the Fridge is no respecter of persons.

1:5
The Fridge loves and inspires all, always ready to impart of its chill for the betterment of mankind. It places a representative in every home that is willing to give but a little in support to the tall cool one. In return it giveth you light in the dark, it gives you ice to heal your wounds and drink to quench your thirst.

1:6
Come unto the Fridge, feel the goosebumps on your arms testify of its truth when you open the door. It is the promise of the Fridge if you come unto it on a warm summer day and open your heart while you open the door you too will feel the goosebumps testify of this thing. Try in not with a closed mind but and open mind. For the Fridge delighteth in an open mind.

1:7
Remember this, if your proof can be used to prove anything to be true, it is useless as a proof of anything.

The Book of Freon

1:1
Be nice!

1:2
Don’t be a dick to thine friends, banter and teasing are fine so long as thou know thine friends enjoy it.

1:3
For thus saith the fridge all the good things therein of that you partake when you open the door and light spilleth forth. They were put there by another like you given in hopes of future nourishment. For nothing comes out to bless one that wasn’t put in by another!

1:4
Truth doesn’t fear doubt

1:5
Come and partake of the salami and pastrami even the cheese but not the baloney. Too many in this world believe the baloney is nourishing and few see there are better meals for thine soul. Thus it may ever be saith the Fridge, for many are cold but few are frozen.

1:6
The Fridge is given thee to preserve and keep nourishment for thine soul, but care must be take for without constant vigilance that which you preserved can spoil. Let not the spoiled stay in the Fridge; If it be rotten, throw it the hell out!

2:1
If God is but a reflection of that which inside of us, it makes sense that each person’s God carries each person’s own biases, perceptions and morals. If you realize this, that God is personal and God is you talking to you from the inside, reflecting what you believe, helping you achieve your hopes and desires. The fact that there is no God outside of you is no cause for dismay. Because the God inside will never leave you, the person you turn to, the person you put faith in, the person that helps you and give you hope. Is in fact you. Losing faith in a grand power therefore doesn’t mean losing hope. There is always hope. There is always faith. The grand realization is the person that fulfilled your faith and your hope was in fact you all along. You are the God you are looking for.

The Book of Chill

1:1
This bit of light and knowledge came to me whilst snacking. The real secret of the fridge is that it is a technology based in science and reason. Thus one should not be so quick to overlook having faith in technology.

1:2
Doubt is good, especially if it makes you think and investigate.

1:3
Embrace a little crazy and take some risk, it isn’t a bad thing to hope for something more.

2:1 [The Fridge Prayer]
Hail Fridge, full of chill! our food is with thee; blessed art thou among appliances, and blessed is the fruit of thy crisper, and cheeses.

Holy Fridge, mother of food, provide for us dinners, now and ice us when when we die. Ramen.

3:1
Remember when it seems like you are talking to a brick, you used to be that brick.

The Book of Trent
Sometimes referred to as Trent’s Lament
1:1
O that I were an beer, and could have the Fridge of mine heart, that I might go forth and chill with the ice box, with a flavor to warm the heart, and cry refreshment unto every people!

The Book of Musings
1:1
Our default psychological nature is to come to a quick conclusion that we are right.

1:2
The cave man that pondered if he was sure or not about there being a tiger in bushes didn’t pass his genes onto us.

1:3
The Fridge is the one true god, (well mostly) for it says so right here in this verse <<<<<

The Book of Prophesy
1:1
The rise of the Nones (those that have no religious affiliation) and the atheists will drive all religions to band together and condemn those that don’t believe in anything supernatural. For one everlasting human truth is the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Especially if we are all losing the fight.

The Book of Jeff
1:1
There may be more truth in what seems to be an absurdity than you may suppose….

1:2
For if you want your keys found, If you need few extra bucks or maybe you need your tomatoes to grow, so long as it is something that just might happen some other way. Pray to the Fridge, supplicate for these things that can’t be vetted  except by your own bias. For at this the Fridge excels. Key finding in particular is nearly a guarantee if you pray with a enough faith and then quiet your mind in repose to think back on where they might be. Almost as much of a sure thing as getting ice when you need it.

1:3
But for the big stuff where you really need help, thus saith the Fridge, you are on your own. You best be getting on with the getting on and solve those problems yourself because it’s just simply not why the Fridge is here to bless you.

Songs of Mike
1:1
Lo. Mighty and chill,
Verily, the ice maker doth provide
it make the ice for all
both the good and the non good
Hearken disbelievers of the fridge!
Lift up your spoons
thine spoons shall plunge
yeah verily even the spoon of the disbeliever…
The goodness of the Ben and Jerry’s shall be preserved for all both good and ungood.
Which doth sit with the ice that is also mindfully provided.
Sing praises to the mighty and good!

The Book of Gene
1:1
O heavenly Fridge, please help me to find cool drinks and well preserved leftovers. Blessed are the ice cubes that are miraculously produced through thy bounty.

The Book of Leo
1:1
And it came to pass many had gathered around to hear the words of Leo, for he knew the Fridge and could pass on great meaning to the multitudes.

1:2
And Leo spake. For thus saith the Fridge, do not ye all want to believe the greatest of gifts are promised ye? Do you not all want to get the greatest of blessings? Do you not know that truth is found by the promise, not by the test of logic or reason?

1:3
The greater the promise the greater the faith! And there is no greater promise than that given by the Fridge. It is so great that you can’t imagine how wonderful it is. It’s beyond human comprehension. Imagine the best blessing from any other religion and any other faith, then times it by 10!.

1:4
For verily, only the greatest of promises warrant truth belief. Thus saith the Fridge. Be nice, be a good person and BELIEVE in Fridge to get the best stuff after you die. That’s all you gotta do. Just believe.

 

The return of coolness to all mankind, a Declaration
Many have mentioned the FSM  and wondered if the noodle goodness touched the Fridge. but alas it is the reverse, for do you not store left over spaghetti in the Tall Cool One? Does this alone not attest of the truth of the Fridge.

The church of the FSM did at one time have the truth, and understood the power of refrigeration but due to the failings men plain and precious things were lost and we needed a restoration, the Fridge reached out and let us all know again what it means to be cool. 

So come, chill, open the door and bask in the light of the Fridge all are invited, let no one thirst for light and knowledge and not partake.

3 Comments

  1. Forget not that beer was an early instructor to the fridge and did help it blossom and learn its capacity . And so the fridge magnified it’s skill an hundred fold to chill and freeze all manner of delights. Beer being not the least of these.

    1. I have been inspired. A REVELATION EVEN! I am not even a Popsicle. But lo and verily this came to me as I gazed into the light of the fridge today:

      Lo. Mighty and chill,
      Verily, the ice maker doth provide
      it make the ice for all
      both the good and the non good
      Hearken disbelievers of the fridge!
      Lift up your spoons
      thine spoons shall plunge
      yeah verily even the spoon of the disbeliever…
      The goodness of the Ben and Jerry’s shall be preserved for all both good and ungood.
      Which doth sit with the ice that is also mindfully provided.
      Sing praises to the mighty and good!

      (End of revelation)

      Wow! What came over me!… oh my Wilbur! It’s even in Chiasmus form…it must be a miracle!!

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