You Already Worship the Fridge

Recently I was getting my dopamine high by debating on Facebook and I brought up the Fridge as a valid mythology as compared to the Judeo-Christian creation story. Now of course there are billions of believers in the old and busted Jesus-made-me-and-loves-me-story. I get that. Of course I do. The thing is though, that myth has had several thousands of years to instill itself in humanity’s psyche. Can a little upstart pseudo religion ever hope to attain that sort of power over our minds? I think so. Because I intend to show you in this sermon that you already worship the Fridge.

Think about it. Worship is a sign of devotion right? You go to church weekly and if you are really good at it you pray daily. You complete these ceremonies out of devotion to the God you worship. So ask yourself, when was the last time you looked into your Fridge? Was it more recent than the last payer you uttered? Then consider these following enlightening questions:

Have you ever stared into the Fridge and forgotten why you opened the door?

Do you take care to stock your Fridge with sustenance to the best of your ability?

Are there notes and signs on the door of your Fridge?

Do you put them there to honor family achievements or to remind one another of important things?

Have you found yourself in need late in the night and been blessed with sustenance from the Fridge?

Do you take care to remove that which is spoiled from your kitchen god even if it means holding back a gag reflex?

If the Fridge were to lose power for more than a day, would you be concerned?

If you have answered yes to most of these questions, I think it’s obvious that the Fridge commands a special place in your life. In fact I dare prophesy that you have often times shown more concern about keeping your Fridge in good working order than say delivering cookies to your home teaching families. Believe me, if you take a little time I’m sure you can come up with similar questions that show the mystical reverence the Fridge in your home already receives. If you think of any that should belong on the list, please comment. I’m sure the Fridge will bless you with a happy feeling for daring to speak out.

So does the Fridge have a chance to enter the realms of influence that we see from Jesus and Santa? Can it develop into a full blown brain meme that consumes peoples lives like other religious myths? It seems to me that it’s already off to a good start. Let’s check back in a couple thousand years to see shall we?

PS. For a little added fun, google Fridge memes. See how far its influence has spread even before there was a Church of the Fridge

2 Comments

  1. I just saw a video of the Leonard Cohen Hallelujah song rewritten as a Christmas song and I was wondering if there were any Fridge holiday hymns. Is Fridgemas a thing? Around Halloween, we saw a lot of orange tree and orange wreath decorations (kind of the way they’ve tried to make Halloween/Easter Egg Nog a thing) and we had a good time making up Halloween carols to the tune of traditional Christmas carols.

  2. That is a great insight to our weird and often confusing psyche.It is my opinion that as you free your mind from religious dogma,tradition etc you begin( least in my black sense of humour world) to see how funny and absurd belief can be.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *